 tuesday april 17 2007
The temperature is down.
What a relief.
The prunus...a tree full of softpink blossom is "snowing".
What a pity.
Yinti brough a letter home: school wants to speak to us for giving her an extra year.
We talked about it a while ago, when she also had a delay in maths.
She worked hard and now she's on level.
Now it's weighing the gain in masturity against the loss of confidence.
To us an extra year is not a decision that needs to be taken now.
Wrote a letter to school so they know our position.
Then got a mail about Thami.
The pedagogue told that his mentor, which we asked to step down, is involved in making his IEP.
Oh, that made me so very angry!!
How can a person who is so negative about my son, and who hasn't been able to take positive action before, make decisions for a treatment program?
She also urged us to go for a talk.
Not before we know what has changed.
Bagpiping went better.
Still, that reed needs a lot of attention.
The bagpipe teacher mailed we'll have a lesson at wednesday and he'll work at our reeds.
He should have taken me serious last week.
The inflammation was rather bad this morning, working it's way down from my armpit to my breat.
I've had a breastinfection there a couple of times, it's quite susceptible.
The antibiotic cream helped a lot... well, I used a lot too.
monday april 16 2007
Had contact with a woman of a psychiatric organisation. Due to reorgansisations the psychiatric facility nearby is not inymore theirs... they work more north.
It's in the hands of another organisation and as we're having and independent psychiatrist and don't belong to youth care, it's not ours to go.
She thought the facility our psychiatrist mentioned was not the good one for our son.
A couple of hours later Nyo's psychiatrist mailed.. she had cancelled the procedure to get him there.
After working on my bagpipe reed for a while I managed to get a full noise from my bagpipe. So the reed is the real problem.
Tried making a constant tone with one of the drones... Went quite well for a beginner.
I have an inflammation in my armpit. Grrr.
sunday april 15 2007
sun, sun, sun. They have predicted it will be 28 degrees today, and I'm sure it will be.
Yesterday it was over 27. Never had such an early summerday before.
Today it was already hot when I went outside.
All was silent.
So I cleaned a chair, got coffee and a slice of gingerbread and with the paper under my arm I went outside.
Soon a couple of titmouses came near my chair, trying to turn over a leaf.
Something created a soft sweet smell.
The prunus changed from dark red spots to lighter pink flowers all over.
So beautiful!!!
But a pity too, because the transformation often takes a week or more and was now done in a few hours.
Well, I didn't sit outside those hours.
As soon as I heard people in other gardens the world didn't belong to me anymore, so I went inside and got the laundry.
Work never stops.
An hour later there was a lot of noise of children and grown ups,, talking and spoons against coffeecups.
A child was crying terribly.
I think it's the same child that cried last year as a baby.
The parents never bothered to take it in their arms, and now the father was yelling and yelling and guess what: the child didn't stop crying when he asked.
saturday april 14 2007
Went to bagpipe lesson in a T-shirt and a cardigan, and had to put the cardigan away...too hot!
The weather is completely nuts. It's 25 degrees celcius, and a week ago my nose nearly frooze off.
One of the older members of the band will bring a light reed for me. The other two get more sound of their bagpipes than I. Either I have to get more musclepower, or the reed is crap.
So practising the bagpipes was no fun, but being with the band was.
A friend has returned from Afghanistan, just as I was invited to speak to him in a radio program there.
well, that's life. I'm happy he is back in one piece.
When I went home it was really hot.
Not my type of weather.
At home it turned out there had been problems between Nyo and Thami again.
Thami asked something and got the full energy from Nyo, including smashing doors.
I sat with them for a while, but all seemed fine.
Thami went upstairs and I went to work a abit in the garden.
Shouldn't have done that, becuase they had words again and Nyo broke the handle of the door.
I was really angry, because I've bought it two years ago, because I hated the old ones.
They were expensive and firm.
Well, now I have the ugly ones on it again.
The rest of the afternoon I was babysitting a boy of 14 again.
I had planned to go to the shopping centre...When passing I'd seen a very nice summercoat.
Well, forget it...
I feel very disappointed I haven't been able to create some nice young boys, who care for others and who are considerate of the feelings of others.
Nyo spoiled the whole evening by the way he behaved. He doesn't listen at all anymore when he is in an uncooperative mood.
He got Stef and Thami angry too.
friday april 13 2007
Helped the girls to school and went to bed again.
There's a bug going round. Nyo, Lars and Stef are sniffing, complaining about earache.
My glucose levels are dancing, so I guess my body is fighting the bug too.
And I'm fighting the bagpipe.
My arm hurtts and I have to be careful not to overdo.
I'm gratful for my balletcarreer now, because I know with patience and exercise I can built a lot of power.
But it takes time.
I'm still feeling angry, because I think the reed is far too heavy and stubborn.
When I use another reet (that isn't supposed to be in it,) I can make a good sound, so that's not the problem.
I can't even get a sound when pressing and squeezing the bag with two arms... so that's not the problem.
I shot out one of the dronecorks. LOL!
Ofcourse I feel very disappointed.
Got Nyo and Jim to agree to ask for information for a weightlossprogram for them both.
Nyo won't go alone, and Jim needs it too.
Got a reply within the hour that they would look into it.
I'm sure I will loose some weight with bagpiping and when I feel more relaxed.
I'm so stressed that I constantly feel like surpressing crying.
Well, I lost a bit of tears when the bagpipe again didn't work.
Last week I tried to get in contact with a psychiatric organisation nearby. To see if they have place for Nyo, either for a few months, or for the weekends.
Got a mail back... like the other one... to call.
Well, I'll ask him to call me either this afternoon or next week.
I also found out there are more weekendhomes than ever someone has told me.
I asked an organisation last year and they had nothing, now they have.
Well, it stinks I have to find it out all by myself.
It's rather emotional, as I have worked with him all these years, without any help.
If help would have been available, and school would be a better place for him, nothing would have been the matter.
Thami came home telling me that the orthopedagogue wants the mentor
thursday april 12 2007
Yesterdayevening I had my first lesson on the bagpipe.
After chantering an hour, the bagpipes were assembled.
It's so strange to see that the other woman always manages to get full attention.
There were only 2 bagpipes to assemble, but I had to ask to have mine done.
On the stairs she told me she had been blowing the reed for hours and at the lesson she told she had done nothing.
So she got all the compliments when she got a full tone out if the instrument.
I tried at home only once, but wanted to learn the basics well, so waited untill the lesson.
It took me an awfull lot of effort to get a noise.
Turned out I have almost no power in my left arm, so it's building muscles first.
When we got our bagpipes we were told the reeds were very heavy and we needed other ones.
At the band we were told there were no reeds available and they wanted to do nothing with the reeds.
Two of the men who have been bagpiping for over 30 years tried the instrument out and got a good noise, so that was it.
Very disappointing.
Well, I was able to get more noise than at home... so there was progress. Hmmm.
Today I had a shocking amount of muscle pain. LOL!
Point is I wasn't even able to blow a stable sound from the reed, so it's not me who is failing completely.
The reed is too heavy for a beginner.
The only positive from yesterday was that I got to talk with the newest member who is part of a folkband.
Don't ask me how we started to talk about it, but it was great to talk about something I know a lot about and which has my passion.
After all those years meeting someone again with the same passion.
Wow, it sparkled.
He asked about other instruments and told he had encountered the same starters problems as I had on the chanter.. fingersettings and such.
We were overheard by the rest... so no need to boast about things. They fall in place someway and somewhere.
It was a pity we couldn't talk anymore. He said they wanted to sing blues.... hmmm... wish I could join them.
Today I woke up with muscle ache all over. LOL!
Did quite a lot of little jobs like tidying things, putting away winterthings.
I can't find my camera, so it's highly motivating.
Got a mail from the educationconsulent. That's someone who advices about schoolchoice.
I want to talk with her to see if there are choices to be made about schools both for Thami and Nyo.
Well, the mail told me to phone them.
Why have email available if all there is to it that you get a mail back stating you have to call.
I hate phoning.
Yinti came home with a letter of the speechteacher.. to contact her.
I phoned... and got a secretary telling that she wasn't there.
Well, why don't people leave a proper message, stating the time they will be near that phone number? It's thrown away money.
Had to order some hearingprotection, because the stuff I got from Jim is crap.
The band orders from a shop in Germany. Well, it costs 26 or 27 euro there. Costs to mail: 10.50 euro!!
I looked at ebay and found some for 18 and a half euro, mailcosts included.
What a huge difference. Guess where I ordered?? LOL!
Nyo had a meltdown this evening when we said he was supposed to go to school.
I have found some more places to stay for the weekend near our town. And maybe one of them also has a three month stay available.
I'm OK with him going for a couple of months or maybe even longer when it's not too far from here.
Still I feel like I should have accomplished it to motivate him to go to school and finish it.
But I can't compete with the bullies there.
wednesday april 11 2007
Already before 9 the new princess was shown.
She is so cute and I could clearly see resemblances with her 2 sisters.
Thami forgot the time and he hurried to school, knowing he would be late.
He must have bicycled very fast, because he phoned us from school while we thought he was still on his way.
He was told to leave the classroom and was accussed of blowing!
So he immediately called home.
Well, he hasn't had time for blowing, and for lunch he had plain bread and no spacecake. LOL!
Well, as his mentor had written us they would take "action's" against his behaviour after easter, I think this is their way of dealing with it.
So I mailed the guy to abject to his accussations, to tell him he should have informed us, and to tell him that we don't understand he didn't subjecvt Thami to a drugstest, as we had told earlier that he could take a drugtest anytime.
Before they told us Thami was blowing, but Thami looks very thin because of the ritalin.
I mailed a copy to Thami's orthopedagogue (a lovely lady), and the schoolnurse, and ofcourse the schooldirector.
I also asked for the IEP.
The school doesn't follow the rules that state that the parents have to sign the individual educational program, and normally none cares. but in this instance I asked for it.
Stated that the mentor had announced changes and we are legally bound to sign it. LOL!
I enclosed the articles of law regarding the IEP.
Then I wrote the ministery of education to ask what I can do more.
I'm so **ssed...
I planned to exercise on the chanter.. which is a kind of bagpipe flute. You practice on it so you don't have to carry the whole instrument.
We don't have lesson saturday, but this evening. So I'm missing two days.
I usually practice on thursdays and fridays.
Well, I won't be practising enough today.... I'm so very angry at that school.
I feel they are bullying Thami to get to us, because we told school we don't want his mentor to take matters in his own hands, but follow the directions of the careteam.
Some time ago my doc send me the transcript of a mail between him and the specialist for endocrinology and internal illnesses.
The specialist wrote something very unscientific and as I know a terrible lot about hyperhomocystenemia (the subject) and I've been a lecturer in scientific research, I wrote a reply.
mailed it to my doc, asking if he had meant the transcript as a joke or as a serious impulse for me to write about it to the specialist.
Today I got a letter: yep. Like in the old days, when I wrote reviews for him and his group, he wanted me to take it over from him.
He knows I love to do it. It takes my mind from other things and I can bite my teeth into it. LOL!
Well, right now I still feel like biting into that stupid person from school who is trying to make Thami bend to the ground.
Well, he doesn't know I come from a family that easily appologises for mistakes, but that don't bend for unrespectfullness. Never.
tuesday april 10 2007
just before 22.00 hours
A new princess is born!!!!
tuesday april 10 2007
So he's not to school.
His good behaviour is clearly slipping in the past.
So he can hold up for about two or three days when the threat is fresh in his mind and really bad.
He was downstairs at the computer and the girls were upstairs.
I took the chance to go to the attick and get the summercoats, as wonderful weather is forecasted for today and tomorrow.
Well, today was not so good.
The morning was sunny and cold, the afternoon was grey and dark. No rain though.
Jim had a half day off, so he could go with Lars to his new school.
We were amazed Lars wanted to go.
Well, first he acted out... complaining about his trousers and T-shirt.
By the time I told Jim I thought he wouldn't go, Lars complained about the time... and thus in the end they didn't go.
Lars said he wanted a bit more time to take a decision about going there.
Hmmmm...
To our surprise Nyo said he intended to go to school tomorrow.
Well, I'm not sure it's for serious or if he wanted a bigger share in the chocolate eastereggs. LOL!
After dinner we all sat down together and then it was announced that Princess Maxima has gone into labour.
So we'll have a new prince or princess this evening or tonight.
It took the attention from all the stress.
We like our royals, so we're waiting with enthousiasm.
I managed to get a squeeking sound out of the bagpipes, which is OK.
The reet isn't very bendable, so it's very hard to blow.
The teacher mailed we are going to have our lesson tomorrow instead of saturday, so that's perfect....
I hope I can leave here without stress.
monday april 9 2007
Yesterday was rather quiet.
Nyo had such a bad cold that he didn't feel like arguing or anything else than sitting at the computer. No side-effects of cutting down the risperdal.
Today he felt a bit better. He really did his best to be nice and cooperative.
Well, when it was time to prepare things for school and go to bed, all the positive behaviour was gone.
End result: a lot of things thrown around, refusing to go to bed, and refusal to go to school.
I can't take it anymore.
I just can't.
I'm so tired of managing everything, directing everyone and getting no help at all.
I don't even have someone to talk to and discuss matters.
I feel like slipping Nyo a sleepingtablet through his food and keep him asleep for a week.
I thought the tension had slipped away, but it was just luring around the corner.
I have tried to send everyone an eastergreeting, but I haven't reached you all. Please get something from the giftsection.
I always forgot many countries have just one esterday. We have two.
friday april 6 2007
Mailed the psychiatrist, and talked with a friend about the decision.
She has been to the home and she says it's very difficult to get there when you don't have a car.
So I feel at peace with the decision.
I'm a bit irritated the psychiatrist had nothing else to offer.
She only looked to facilities that belong to the organisation, without considering the burden on our family.
She also didn't do anything to alleviate the burden to the family.
Didn't even talk with me about how I feel about things.
As a change needs to be made for Nyo I decided to skip the Risperdal he takes in the morning.
Stef and Lars slept in, and Thami was very calm.
Nyo was at the computer and was instructed to take a Risperdal when he starts top feel strange.
I also told him not to play the father of the girls, a kind way to say "shut up complaining about them." LOL!
He had a go at them, but they just went away.
All went great... partly because his brothers weren't at home. But it's not due a 100% to that, as he had hours of complaints on end last week.
I had a huge headache, but I think it was because I could let go of a bit of stress.
In the afternoon the girls went to the choir and I went outside because I was asked for advice. Had quite a long talk with the woman and when I came back he was all friendly and OK.
WOW!!
Ofcourse tomorrow will be most important for him, as I won't be at home for a couple of hours, because we're going to get the bagpipes.
I mailed Thami's mentor that I don't want him to be Thami's mentor anymore.
I feel it's a good decision, even though I expect the school will have difficulty accepting it.
I also wrote an update for our family doctor. He asked for it.
I also wrote a scientific review about hyperhomocystenemia (a amino acid/metabolic problem) in children.
I have the heriditary form and Nyo was found to have high values.
The specialist cited an article about failure to prevent a second heart attack in treated adults, and she generalised the outcome in such a way that she stated that it was of no use to get the homocysteine levels normalised in children to prevtn hreatproblems.
Well, I have been a tutor and lecturer in scientific research methods and statistical processing of the data, so I know what can be said upon certain research and what not.
It took my mind from all the problems for a short while.
I'm looking forward to the trip tomorrow.
At the moment the trees are beautiful in blossoms.
And I'm looking forward to have my bagpipes and start to learn to use them.
I'll write when I'm back.
thursday april 5 2007
Has a talk with Nyo's psychiatrist and she adviced to put him in residential care, for a limited time.
Next thursday they have a meeting about it and then she knows a bit about the waitinglist.
So we left, feeling releived that an end of this struggling is within reach.
Then we went for the meeting about Stef.
We had time enough, so we took the way through the part of town I grew up.
It was nice to be there, even though a lot has been changed.
Like I expected Stef didn't turn up, and we talked with the woman for a while, then went home.
At home Nyo realised that he was about to face big changes and he started complaining again.
So he took all our attention, instead that we could let some things sink in.
That happened late...
Turns out that the carefacility is two and a half hours travelling from here... so that means at least 5 hours travelling to visit there.
That's completely unrealistic!!!
Especially because there's a facility 5 minutes from our home, but it's from a different organisation.
I've mailed them for information already and tomorrow I'll stop the psychiatrist from starting admittance procedures.
wednesday april 4 2007
Ofcourse Jim turned and tossed things in such a way that he and Nyo stayed home, instead of Jim accompanying Nyo on a bycicle tour for school.
It again ads to the feeling that I'm responsible for things.
When Thami came home from the trip he said he had some cake, and Nyo again started moaning about never ever getting ...etc.
So Thami commented and Lars and the whole chaos was complete again.
Can't make any agreement about not commenting...***sigh***
Well, I'm getting quite nervous about tomorrow.
First the meeting about Nyo, and after that the meeting with Stef about Stef.
The first one will be talking as well as can be to get other meds and some therapy for Nyo. Not after a waitinglist of 4 months, but NOW!!
The meeting about Stef is about Stef lying about what the social worker said.
He's angry with me that I tied the knot, and wrote her about what happened after she supposedly said so and so.
Well, they need to know who they're dealing with and that I can't take responsibility for him anymore. Not because he's lying and making things up, but also because the law has declared him grown up, so he can do as he wishes, he thinks.
The results of this day? I don't know.
tuesday april 3 2007
Co-o-o-lllddd..
Everyone left... so I had the chance to give part of the house a good clean and then the first walked in again.
I've send the psychiatrist an update about Nyo, so she won't be surprised.
At least she can take a serious look into his meds.
Otherwise she'd better give me meds. LOL!
When he came home he was alone, so had time to adjust.
monday april 2 2007
A very cold morning.
Stef went to fetch something in the country... a case for our chanters (5 euro LOL!), Lars was taking part in some research to make norms for tests and was paid 50 euro, and the rest was to school.
I hung the laundry outside, and just couldn't relax from the migraine.
Didn't do much though, than trying to make my easterpages and fold some laundry.
After lunch I did something in the garden. Took the old bramblebranches away and tried to stuck the new branches to the fence.
I was glad I hadn't done much today and I wasn't more tired than the migraine and the hayfever caused, because Nyo was all over the place.
The right motivation to finsih the letter to the psychiatrist to tell her we want to talk next thursday about reassessment, because he is far more autistic than at the time of his diagnosis. That we want the meds evaluated and changed, and that we had to look into the near future, suggesting Nyo to go out of the house, either for the day or for longer.
Everybody has to twist and turn around his outburst, because the meds don't work, and he needs constant supervision.
I can't even go for my diabetics bloodwork.
Later he was calm...yea..he was tired... and I told him about what I was going to talk to the psychiatrist, and he agreed..
sunday 1 april 2007
Some of the kids mistook this day for foolsday and acted accordingly.
Especially Lars acted out, and Jim couldn't handle it at all.
It really got to me...I have been living on the edge of it all so long.
I threw a cup of coffee towards them because I couldn't be there in person in time.
It spleashed to the wall, that needed painting anyway.
Wow, that got Jim's attention.
He turned towards me and started telling me I was messing up. LOL!
Well, he kept his mouth shut after I told him that it was not he who was doing all the things in the house, but I was.
Fixing most of the things, all the paintwork, and I get it done and finished, so he'd better not go that way of thought anymore.
He started at Lars again and I ordered Lars out/ He was so surprised that he went, and then I told Jim to go for a walk or go to town.
That I'm fed up with a grown man who can't be of help at all, but who only makes matters worse because he acts just like his spectrumchildren.
How can a months of autism awareness better begin than with a complete mess?
saturday 31 march 2007
Didn't sleep much.
We were away from home in time. When we came out of the neighbourhood a fierce wind blew straight in our faces.
We had to walk part of the bridge.
Like last week we had time to take a walk through the park.
It's such a strange idea I walked there with my dad when I was young, and now I walk there with my girls, trying to make them see all those little and large changes.
Oh, how do I love to see all those fresh green leavesm with the morning sun giving them golden rims.
To hear the birds twitter happily with each other.
We really took our time.. and still we were faster at school than ever. Like time gave us a present of not being there in the park.
We were the first and we had to wait a long time, because the my former teacher and the teacher of the girls has the key and it turned out his wife had broken her elbow.
The lesson was fun.
This teacher grasps out a couple of things and teaches it, and then leaves it to study at home.
He likes to play with music. And so do I.
It's also a good lesson to be myself.
The other woman still uses her female tricks to get attention, and she has his attention too because he knows she has played other instruments.
I still haven't had the chance to tell about my experience, but I don't really care.
I don't want that kind of competition. I think he'll find out himself when it comes to real improvisation.
He says he's done lots of jazz, so at one of the festive gatherings of the band I'll get him to play, and then I'll join in...
SA friend asked me to come to a concert tomorrow afternoon, but I cancelled it when I came home.
Again this morning was not really peacefull at home. I just can't be away.
In the evening i had a surprise.
One of the bandmembers serves abroad, and once in so many weeks I'll ask the local army radio to play something for him and send him our greetings.
They want me life on radio...
I against the army, but he has to serve and I feel I can still try and give him the feeling there are caring people he comes home to.
I even wouldn't mind going there to sing.
friday 30 march 2007
Well, the chance we're going to get our bagpipes this saturday is minmal.
One of the other is going to have a party this evening and he expects he won't be back in time.
I suggested going directly to the dealer and meet us there, but he hasn't replied yet.
Otherwise we're going next week, which can't be as it's easter then.. unless the dealer doesn't mind is coming.
I don't like this... at all.
A friend send a little heart...kind of charm you hang on your cellphone, to hand on my bagpipe, so she'll be with me when I'm bagpiping.
That's a cute idea!!!
Had a migraine all day.
Just when I thought all the schoolthings were done this week, Thami's mentor mailed.
I knew he would be angry that we talked with the counsellor of Nyo to present Thami to the special care commission.
Even angrier that she took Thami to be her case and concern.
She had a talk with Thami this morning and it went very well. Thami felt understood and he came home more relaxed than ever.
She managed to get him to solve a problem with a teacher. The teacher appologised to Thami for jumping to conclusions. WOW!!!
Well, I got the mail from the mentor telling us that that very same teacher was irritated and angry and he had shut down Thami's computer account.
Not!!! Thami and he sorted things out and agreed to have a talk after next week. (A week with special subjects and events, in preparation for easter.)
The mail was messy, with lots of mistakes, dripping from irritation.
And at the end he said he would look into the matters after next week, and inform us about the actions he was going to take to make Thami do what he wants...
I wrote a beautiful mail...lots of thinking in between, ending in telling him that he puts the rules of school above the wellbeing of Thami. That he doesn't listen to Thami, doesn't care about what we say, doesn't provide full information to the other teachers.
That we understand he feels irritated by the ADHD behaviour of Thami, like many normal people do, but that Thami deserves more than a powerstruggle about rules.
Thami deserves someone who listens and who tries to understand him.
Someone who doesn't jump to conclusions, and who has understanding for the fact that Thami often doesn't understand what other people mean, and can't follow orders if he doesn't understand them.
So I told him to back off... Well, in nicer words. But I told him to stop being Thami's mentor.
It's not up to him to take actions, but it's to the special care unit now, and we want their program to be followed.
When Thami came home and we told him that, he was very releived.
I'm sure we'll get big problems about this... but I don't care.
thursday 29 march 2007
One of the worst days here at home.
It started with Thami and I going to the social worker.
Wow, such a nice guy, with humor and a clear insight.
I was very clear: he could do without mum!
I hardly got the chance to enjoy my coffee.
I think he'd good for Thami, although I'm telling myself to keep quiet...can't judge a person on a couple of minutes and a few sips of coffee.
Well, it must have been disturbing for the rest, as Stef got clashing with Nyo, and Nyo with Lars and Lars throwing something against Nyo.
They've made me so terribly mad...
It also made clear that we have to try to get Nyo an out-placement.
I think it's terrible, but there is no choice.
It goes against all my motherinstincts, but my brain tells me that Nyo needs to be with strange people to get the most out of school.
Even though I know he would never ever have gotten this far with his development if I hadn't been working with him from day 1, hour after hour, I still feel a failure.
I think its time I get some real acknowledgement for all I have done, but people are so ready with they judgement just on the looks of things.
Next week we'll have to talk Nyo's psychiatrist into reassessment and outplacement.
She thinks Nyo does far well than he does, or she's plainright lazy.
Fact is that I'm exhausted, and I'm OK with Nyo going into observation or whatever solution there would be, except the long waitinglist.
Last time it took 4 months to get him in therapy, and therapy finished because the lovely therapist couldn't get any further.
So telling Nyo he has a blue booklet to get his emotions in hand...
I wonder if she resorts to her blue booklet and starts reading it when her emotions pour out her ears. LOL!
Well, I'm angry too because those boys take all the joy out of life.
I was so happy to be able to get the bagpipes, but I'm just afraid I come home to hear they have made a mess here at home.
wednesday 28 march 2007
It was good I didn't plan anything this morning.
Nyo had his usual wednesdaymorningfit.
I'm through with fighting about school.
A headache is blowing my mind nearly out of my ears.
His councellor at school has made some arrangements, now we need to get the flaws out of the system. I want his mentor to let me know the homework for each week, and either his schedule for the wednesday is more worthwhile or he isn't going.
No way I'm going to deal with his agression more than needed.
It's sounds irresponsible and uncaring, but I'm completely through my reserves.
Counting the days to the visit to his psychiatrist.
I think she won't admit him to a ward or special home, but wants family therapy instead.
But I just want rest, and I won't go with the whole family through behaviour -advice and modification.
I'm a psychologist and specialised in this kids before they were born.
We walk on the tip of our toes and it has to end.
Jim went with Lars to his school to say goodbye.
So another chapter closed.
Stef installed norton again... it just doesn't work. Maybe another prgram is interfering?
tuesday 27 march 2007
I don't like the change to summertime. I woke up 5 minutes before most of the children had to leave for school.
Luckily Nyo kept calm, so I gave him his clothes (he had showered already with Jim) and waved him goodbye to school.
That was easy. LOL!
Stef left to get some computerstuff somewhere in the country. It's his last fortnight of free travelling.
For the first time in ages I had two hours alone in the house.
Even when people are silent, there is a feel of presence in the house.
Now it was really silent..
I had to stop myself looking around for more work to do.
When the children came home it was full dynamics again.
Thami had been to an area of preseved nature.
One of the boys videod him and he's threatening to put it on internet.
Well, I have warned the mentor, and I'm so sure to bring this to the police when it happens....
I'm fed up with that school...ssoooo very fed up!!!
I want to make the easterpages... but I'm just out of feeling creative.
I'm just tired...
monday 26 march 2007
This tuesday at 9 I have an appointment for Thami with the social worker nearby.
Lucky us... the busses are stricking that day and this appointment is so near home.
Jim had arranged an appointment in the afternoon at the other side of town for Stef, so I told him to reschedule.. he did... Not to another day, but to 11.000 hours, so I certainly won't be able to get there in time.
I can't nowadays not even leave making an appointment to him.
How convenient to have me do all the work..
then without knowing he also made an appointment for wednesday 9.30 at Lars'school to say goodbye.
Lars doesn't feel to go, as he has been so very unhappy there, and I don't feel like going because I have some other things to do, and apart from that: I have been there 2 times, and I don't feel they have done enough for Lars.
At 18.00 he called he wouldn't be home in time as he had an evening meeting.
Well, the evening was quiet and relaxed.
One spectrumdisease less makes such a difference.
sunday 25 march 2007
A sunny day... but I just noticed it, and that was it.
I was too tired, didn't even manage to get work done at my site, because nothing came out the way I wanted.
Which is nuts.
I overlooked the login for the forum, so I'll have it done tomorrow.
saturday 24 march 2007
Can't believe it, but I nearly overslept!
But we left in time and we even had time to walk the path through the park.
I love to walk there. The park is made about 50 years ago, and there is such a lot to see and to hear.
When we arrived at the school the door was open already, so it was right to the coffee.
The first lesson with the new teacher.
He's a nice man, but completely different as the others.
Things we had unlearned at the former lessons had to be learned here. Well, that's the fun of education. LOL!
I like to play with music and so does he.
The first thing he wanted us to do to experience harmonics.
Great!!
Pity my fingers were like icesticks.
The second hour we chantered with members of the older group.
Which was fun too, because I could feel how much I'd improved in a week.
At home there were tensions, but not as bad as I expected. But I have muscle ache because of the stress of last week.
The biggest news: we're going to get our bagpipes next saturday!!!!!!
Right after the band-morning, and the bandleader is going with us.
Now I have really to get some badges and stickers with things from schotland, and reindeers with anthlers, and thistles...
thursday 22 march 2007
I caught the mail, and found a letter to Stef.
Turned out he has been unsubscribed by school 3 weeks ago.
So he lied three weeks long (and longer...) about going to school.. .
I feel so disappointed... and a lot more.
He said he has talked about it with the person who is looking which living facility he needs. She has told him that after this school, another school needs to be followed to have a chance for work, and he never would be able to work.
It makes me soooo mad that the school didn't get in contact, nor that social worker.
Especially because we had an agreement with both to be told about major issues.
I wrote a mail to the contactperson between us and his social worker.
I think he lied about her role in the decision and I think he should be confronted with it.
And in case she really said something like that, it needs to be sorted out.
It's so difficult to deal with a person like Stef. He holds me responsible for his decisions. So that he didn't tell us was due to me, because I always act so emotional. (Well... not to him... even not now).
Well, I hope they accept that as an excuse for not taking the appropriate actions after he quit school.
He kept travelling, whereas he should have send his travelpass back, he should have stopped studyfinances, should have informed the council. Should have done so many things...
Later the day we took Nyo with us to a little exhibition at the school of the girls. I've made some photo's. Post them in the weekend.
When we came back it turned out that Nyo couldn't cope with it after all, and he gota meltdown that lasted hours.
And I kept calm bravely.... patiently... seeming endlessly...
Untill he calmed downm.
We agreed i wrote write two letters, each one to a teacher, and did so while he was asleep... At midnight..
If there's a God outside, he'd better send some real professional angels because I'm very fed-up with this situation, and he'd better give me a chance for a normal life...
wednesday 21 march 2007
Spring has arrived (by name alone. LOL!),
and my bagpipes have arrived in the country!
Toohoooo!
They have to be unpacked, checked and adjusted to the needs of the band, and then we can go and get them.
Wow!!!
Wrote a curriculum for the coordinator of the congress about reporting childabuse.
When they hear people have had experiences with a failing system themselves, they often back out.
So I'm curious if I'll be invited.
Most of the time they want to be alone with like minded people and don't want any critical noise.
We'll see.
tuesday 20 march
Another morning with the same behaviour in Nyo.
With his pants right before him he was complaining he had no pants, I put everything ready for him, so there was no need to complain at all... but when he left I was soooooo happy.
Spend part of the day just thinking, and doing the laundry. And doing this and that.
Went on internet, without any special goal.
I'm soo tired I just need nothing...
So peeked on a site about vacations and then one way or another landed on a site about congresses and scientific days and saw there was something about reporting childhood abuse.
Well, after 2 false reports my stresslevel rises when i see something like that.
I read the program and wondered why there is no attention at all for the people invol,ved.
They're just hunting for a rapist or childmolestor and then leave it to that.
Especially when there's nothing the matter they leave the family alone to solve the aftereffects.
And there are many, I can tell you that.
It's two years ago, about this time, that we heard that a report was false and the files were closed.
It was bye, and that was it.
So I decided to mail them that it got my attention that they didn't pay any attention about the aftereffects, both for the reporter and the family that was falsely reported.
We got into a discussion and then he asked me if I agreed that he would look if I could speak at the congress.
Great!
Late I got a mail asking about my curriculum.
I'll do that tomorrow.
monday 19 march
At times the storm shook our house, the hail clashed on the windows, and ofcourse I slept very bad.
When the morning was reached it became less noisy outside and I had some healthy sleep, but woke up because Nyo was complaining again.
His trousers didn't fit..
Ofcourse they did. So I get them a couple of cm higher, without squeezing his male parts out, and that was it.
Some more complaining and then he sat down without even a sigh.
I remember the days that we put on jeans lying on the ground or standing against the wall, and we had to put a paper behind the zipper not to get some human flesh torn between when we closed it.
Sitting down right after it was absolutely impossible.
Well, he missed the chance to be on time for the first hour, because he also complained about not being able to find his cardigan, pens, etc etc.
At last his rugsack was too heavy.
There are times I wish he would be less intelligent, so he would run out of excuses and arguments earlier.
so I gave one book to Thami, wrote them a letter for school, and then I went upstairs after saying goodbye.
What a pity I dont have a private jet and a rugsack with money. No problem if it's too heavy to carry! LOL!
The rest of the day I'll be worrying about his behaviour at school.
I'm considering asking to place him in a setting with other kids like him.
But then I remember his good moments...
Complaining about this to the psychiatrist won't result in talking with Nyo, but telling us to be more patient, or at most having someone come in in the morning to get him to school.
And I just can't cope with someone more in the house. It's crowded enough.
sunday 18 march
Such a storm day!
saturday 17 march
Had bagpipelesson with the old group I began with.
The new teacher wqasn't available, so we got the one the large group had.
It was nice as it was the second lesson with him.
He';s through, but very relaxed and he takes an awful lot of time explaining things.
After a lesson of an hour we rehearsed another hour...
Ghee, like I haven't been away...
I just need to be a bith quicker at a few passages, that's all.
friday 16 march
Meeting at school about Nyo.
I informed at several places about the rules and regulations about getting an assistant for Nyo into school.
mentioning the school to the ministery might have done the trick, because she didn't mention it once.
We first talked about his behaviour and we said we thought he was at a standstill in his development, his psychological and maybe also hos social development, and we felt he was more autistic than ever before.
She agreed, and backed our idea to ask for a re-evaluation at psychiatry.
As he has either e rather good relationship with teachers or a very not so nice dynamical one, she came with the idea to have him skip the lessons at some subjects and do the work for them at the classes of the teachers he has a good relationsip with.
Ofcourse we agreed. It's certainly a way to get less turmoil at school.
We also forced Thami into the meeting. He took up more time than Nyo.
She was completely amazed that he was not under the attention of the careteam.
We told her we tried, but the mentors of the years before just said he was not trying enough.
If there's place he will be presented next tuesday and otherwise the next meeting after that one.
We also told her about all the social issues at school, not sparing pupils or teachers.
She agreed that one of them is a complete disaster at that school.
But nothing could be done.
I informed her about a new law about the capabilities teachers should have and that a file needs to be kept update.
At least she could put our letters about him in it, and as we know other parents havewritten the school too, they can be "stored" there too.
It sude will draw the attention at the next schoolinspection.
She asked if we had any onfidence in this school, and we said we have confidence in a couple of individual people, who really care for the kids and work their butts off (like she does), but that we have no confidence at all in the schoolleader and certainly not in the stand-in.
So we told her we've taken the sexual tremarks the other pupils have made to the special schoolinspector, not as a reportm but as a question how to deal with it.
She informed us... under the table, as we say here... that those boys will be dealt with in a very serious matter.
Also sais the psychiatrist wanted him to take part in the social course at school.
She smiled and told us he was refused to take part because the course is absolutely crap.
In case the psychiatrist has problems, she'll back us up.
So all in all we were very content with the meeting.
When we went downastairs we talked with the concierge about Thami.. who was expecting punishment for something which was a misunderstanding... "just to inform you"... LOL!
I don't expect Thami to get punishment for what happened.
I got Jim to walk into town and have a look around.
I bought me some socks. I wanted a new T-shirt or blouse, but couldn't find anything...
Also went to the cheese-shop I used to go to with my dad, and bought some old farmer's cheese and had a long talk with the woman about the part of town we both lived.
It really did me good.
thursday 15 march
The new glucose meter arrived.
It's a little thing, with such tiny glucose strips that I wonder how old people deal with it.
Also got an answer from the ministery about my question to them about we paying for a class assistant in a school for special education.
The answer was clear: school has to be responsible for safety, and school has to educate at the level of the student.
So that meeting tomorrow will be very interesting.
Well, I feel that of they make me responsible for classroombussiness, I want to have a large say in it too, inclduing a say about who teaches my child and who not. LOL!
When I was writing the application for support for Stef, I got a call that Thami was refused entrance to the classroom of one of the teachers who has never heard the word "understanding".
The teacher is a constant pain in the... eh... pen, for pupils, but for the school too.
Yesterday Thami was allowed to enter the classroom late because he had to go to the toilet.
During that time the teacher found out some pupils just had ignored their homework and he sentenced them to an extra hour after the seventh hour.
Then Thami came in and told him he hadn't finsihed all of his homework, because he didn't understand some things.
Instead of saying to Thami to show him what he had done, he just jumped to the conlcusion Thami didn't do his homework and told him to come back too.
According to the advice by one of the coordinators Thami said that he didn't agree and wanted to explain why.
Which only resulted in him being told to leave the classroom and get a yellow card.
A yellow card means he has to do a job at school and he was told to clean the whole outside area.
Thami stayed at school, but didn't do anything.
And because of that he was refused entrance to the classroom.
Last time we had a meeting at school about him the teacher said Thami blew things up, well, in this case he just asked for help, because he didn't understood his homework.
Again we didn't get a signal from school. I'm fed up with this school.
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