Where are the days
that the light of the christmastree reflected in my eyes
and I saw plain innocense mirrored in the silver ornaments?
Only a few years later
my clear voice sounded through the large church
with the beautiful angels beside the altar.
The year that they were taken away
I was allowed to lay the large baby Jesus
in the humansized christmasscene.
We were all very aware of the Cold War
and for the first time the chaplain preached
about the harsh realities in other countries,
instead of joy and abundance.
People thought he was doing the wrong thing
by taking away their feelings
of being absorbed in Christmas' cheer
and silent footsteps in the snow.
It was the firstyear
the christmascake didn't taste as well,
because I couldn't share it
with all those children
that were poor, and lived in war.
Times went by.
Some years I walked through the snow with my dad,
one christmas I conducted the children's service.
I remember laying the table for friends
while feeling that deep hole inside me
of the loss of my daughter and gram.
Years passed with babies on my arm
and years that 12months
seemed to have disappeared
because there was so much to do.
I've known abundance.
I was always grateful.
This year will be a silent christmas.
No need to invite people,
as we have barely enough simple food
to share among ourselves.
Sinterklaas went by
with only a sweet for the youngest,
and Santa sure won't stop in our part of the world.
It's sad.
But in a way I don't mind.
Because I'm so very angry.
People neglected
the people of Pakistan
after the earthquake of october 4.
Now already many more thousands
have died because of the winter.
They have no shelter at all.
So when singing
about the child in the manger
think of the babies dying
in the icecold night.
Because too few people bothered,
to give some money for tents and blankets.
Jesus was lucky.
His parents were well fed.
and even though it was in a stable
they had a warm place to stay
and shepherds caring.
I am angry,
because people tell me they want peace
and keep the energy
of hatred, racism and war going.
They're just the same
as those people denying Mary a place to rest,
we too keep asylumseekers away from the porch.
We too have our opinions ready
before we even take the time to see
who the person is we're talking about.
I feel like the chaplain of my childhood.
I have to speak out.
Because it's easy to wish peace
to your neighbour.
But you should reach
far beyond the borders of your own existence.
Jesus said:
"what you do unto others, you do unto me."
Isn't that an interesting theme for this year?
I wish you very happy christmasdays
with the blessing of inner rest and peace.
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